No change

Things haven't changed much. That's both good and bad.

Mom is still in Intensive Care and she probably isn't leaving there for days. She went in last Saturday. The doctors have yet to get the liquid out of her lungs. So she has to keep the ventilator in. I understand this. I am willing to wait until mom is really ready to have the respirator removed so that she can breath on her own without assistance. Others are not. And it creates A LOT of friction and tension. It partially errupted even today in mom's ICU room :( And with mom's mental capacities strong, she could see and hear the tension. I wasn't happy it happened and mom has stated - through nodding and finger motions because she can't talk - that she is worried about certain family members. This is HER time and she shouldn't have to worry about US. :(

It's really tough that some family members aren't handling the situation well. I fully understand that but it really sucks when you can't tell the truth without a fight errupting within 10 seconds if the truth is stated. And now the money crunch is starting to hit. My 32 hour paycheck only stretches so far. Between my own bills and now adding the bills of the household money's going to get tight. I've already dipped into money I've set aside for other things and I don't know that I won't have to again. With some proper organization it can all be settled without much of a big deal but neither my oldest brother nor I are in charge of the finances. We are able to recognize what is needed, what has to be bought and what is frivilous. I can already see conrontations coming when I'll be asked for money for something and I will either have to say no and take money from my savings account. And it's all so easily avoided. :(

If the most recent mediciation does not remove the liquid then the doctors will have to resort to using a needle to pull it out. I don't know if this means more surgery or not. The doctors are trying the medicine first because the needle is 'invasive' and I'm not sure needs that right now. However, if it means another tough stretch to get a lot better, then the needle it must be. We'll see.

My days are long and tough. Pretty much, they are: get up, shower, drive family memebers to see mom. Then come how for about an hour before having to get ready for work. Work. Come home and do something for about an hour or 90 minutes if I push it. Bed.

I do it, but it's weakenening me. I'm not releasing the tension and emotional build-up on a daily basis. I'm seeing friends tonight and also on one of the weekend days. I really can't wait. I just want a few hours where I can forget about the whole situation if only for a little while. I want the constant headache pain of the past two days to go away. I think it will. And actually, thank god I AM working only 32 hours. The physical and mental drain is way worse than any money woes. The money woes just mean some money out of my savings account. But at times I really feel like I'm just about to collapse wherever I am.

Unless something really bad happens - which kinda shouldn't since while mom's improvment is really nothing, there's no sign of her deteriorating - I should be going to Wizard World Boston. This is probably my last realistic chance to try and promote my comic book to publishers. Sending stuff via mail submissions is waaaaaay to slow and from the 3 out 10 or more publishers I've sent stuff to, all are rejections. Between my house closing which has to be done by Oct 17 and the current health situation with my mom, I gotta believe that if I don't get a publisher interested at Boston then the book will probably have little shot at being successful even if I self-publish it.

All this probably sounds really horrible and depressing and it rather is. Some days are better than others and some just really, really suck. But in my gut, despite it going to be a long time for the healing process to be complete, that my mom is going to be okay. Things won't be the same, and she'll probably won't be quite as strong and healthy as she once was, but she'll keep trooping and be a productive person and I look forward to that day.

What a shitty month

Good grief I can't wait for September to end. The following's all happened in September.

My brother's friend dies unexpectedly. My brother goes in with the police to check on him after some of the friend's family was worried about him. The night before, my brother had a dream about this friend and he looked exactly the same in the dream as they found him dead on the floor.

So my brother ends up being a contact guy for all the other friends for funeral purposes and such. Shortly thereafter at work this asshole co-worker starts sexually harrassing my brother asking if his gay lover died. My brother's not gay and has had problems with this guy before so a big verbal fight erupts. The boss simmers things down but later on at a meeting to a higher up boss, the little boss blatantly lies in front of my brother stating that everything had been cleared up and that my brother and the offender had shaken hands and made up. So my brother erupts over this and then worries that HIS job is in jeopardy after this fight.

Eventually, my brother brings in some sexual harrassment documentation and the other worker is written up. The other worker then complains about my brother for something that happened well over a month ago. Apparently it's dropped because it's retaliation for being written up. And my brother still has his job.

Another brother is just totally harrassed by his ex. Ex has accused my brother of essentially sexual misconduct with my niece IN COURT. When that doesn't pan out my niece and the ex are now looking for child abuse type stuff. The courts have sided with my brother in every hearing but his therapist and his lawyer said that he is being set-up by the ex. It's to the point where my niece is so brainwashed by her mother that my niece has stated she hates her father (my brother). For whatever reason, my niece can't see the truth - that her own mother has trouble with every blood and marriage family memeber and has nothing to do with any of them. Counting just her own blood relatives and immediate in-law's, the count is 9 people that my brother's ex has nothing to do with.

So to protect himself and to have a fighting chance to keep his son, through his attorney, my brother has decided to sign away custody of his eldest child, my niece. Also to protect himself, the legal people told my brother that he should never be alone with his own daughter. This is for witness reasons because if a single bruise is found on her and it's his word versus her's - the police are going to remove her from the house for protective reasons. So everytime my brother has custody of his daughter - 4 or 5 times a week - my niece sleeps at either my parents' house or my sister's house. This is the same niece from previous entries that has a lot of issues, has been called the angriest child the therapist my brother tried to get for her has ever met, and the same niece that has stolen over $150 in cash from me. The financial burden for my brother has been so great that he has pretty much decided to sell his house to pay off his bills. In the past couple of days, this same brother has contracted pneumonia.

My nephew decided to go to a community college and his only transportation is his motorcycle. While at college this girl was chased by police but escaped. So the genius girl comes back the next day and is again chased by police. This time she hops into a car and speds off. Along the way she sideswipes a bunch of cars and also knocks over 4 motorcycles. One of the bikes is my nephew's. Although used, he had it only for a month tops before this asshole girl damages and scratches it by being an asshole by endangering a bunch of people by fleeing the police.

My mother has gone in for serious but routine surgery to deal with an aneurism in her stomach region. My sister had her aneurism (brain aneurism) explode and it almost killed her leaving her in intensive care for over a month. Now my mother has developed complication from the surgery. The doctors had to put my mother in intensive care for fluid in the lungs. Somewhere along the way her blood pressure dropped to very dangerous levels and she had a mild heart attack. Now, while trying to recover from that, she has developed a fever of 102 and remains in intensive care (over 3 days) as of this writing. According to the doctors she is doing better and not needing the ventilator hadly at all. Cautious optimism.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot that with my closing coming up very soon (has to be done by Oct 17) work has laid us off for 1 day a week for a 6 week period which they will then review the situation. What a joy, trying to pay a mortgage on a 32 hour work week.

God, what a fucking month.

Arrgh! Ma-ties!

Okay, my friend found this thing and posted it on her blog. She's Captain Jenny Flint.

Here's mine:

My pirate name is:

Black James Kidd

Like anyone confronted with the harshness of robbery on the high seas, you can be pessimistic at times. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

The lettering seems to come out over the ico so here's what it says:
Like anyone confronted with the harshness of robbery on the high seas, you can be pessimistic at times. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

well, that seems to have solved nothing

So!

After calming down a little bit, tonight was the first time I've seen my niece since 'the incident'. I spent time thinking how to handle things - quite a bit of time, actually. I decided on giving her a chance to explain herself because I'm not sure anybody has. I also decided on punishment.

So she arrives with my brother and my little nephew. I don't bring anything up until after having supper. Part of the reason was that my niece was real quiet. She pretty much ignored my request to speak with her when she had a second as she was playing a racing game on the family computer. I took the time to ask her what was wrong because my mother and I were wondering if my brother/her father had said anything to her. She said she had had a bad day at school. The teacher had yelled at her for cheating and chewing gum in class. My niece said she was looking at the board and not the boy's paper next to her as her teacher accused her off. She also said she wasn't chewing gum. The teacher assigned her to 'gum duty' whatever that is.

It's hard to believe my niece at all because she lies SOOOOOOO much. During a meeting with the principal of her school, herself, and my brother, she insisted - saying right in front of the principal - that the principal was lying. She reiterated this to my brother/her father when he rhetorically said 'the principal is lying?'

So I was actually feeling fairly badly for my niece because I knew I would be 'piling on'. I considered dropping the situation entirely until the next time I saw her but decided against it. I still love my niece - she's just out of control. One of therapists said she was the most angry child she has ever met.

So I decide to wait until my brother returned. He was attending his own therapy like he has since the divorce. The situation has been so stressful for so long that when people that know my brother see him after they hadn't seen him for awhile they say they can't believe how old he looks. He's late/mid thirties.

So I check with him to see if he wants to be present. He kinda shrugged and said something to the effect of 'I'm going to hear about it anyways' meaning the ex would totally bitch at him.

So I went and spoke to my niece alone in the living room after she didn't want to talk in the kitchen where everybody was except my father. My father was in an adjoining room to the living room and could see everything if he wanted but he was on the computer and I'm not even sure he knew I was talking to my niece.

I was careful with my words and talked in an emotionless voice as best I could. I told her the situation. I said a lot of money was missing from my room. I asked her if she knew anything about it. She was despondent the whole conversation. I asked her several times if she knew anything about it. Every time she said she didn't know anything about it. A couple of times she looked at me while she said it. I told her I didn't believe her. She offered little opposition just kinda staring at the TV. She asked how could it be her. I told her why I felt she had done it. I keep a small money pouch in a dresser drawer. It contains stuff like gas money for two weeks, some money I'm saving to buy a dishwasher and some money towards the deposit to my brother for his house since I'm buying it and a few other things. I told her I asked everyone to sign a pad with how much money they take. After she had gone upstairs one morning, that afternoon my money was missing. My niece has already been barred from my parents' room for stealing the state quarters that she keeps in a jar on her dresser.

I then told my niece what was the punishment. Not internet, no phone privleges except for calling her mother to say goodnight. I also told her about the money I was saving for her to go towards college and that I had to empty that account to recoup the money stolen. I also said I wouldn't be putting anymore money away for her. I further mentioned that she was not allowed upstairs at all with adult supervision - not to get books, the cats, or anything. She said without much emotion, 'I'm being punished for nothing'. I told her - several times over during the conversation, that I don't believe her. I did eliminate (for now) about not buying her a Christmas present this year.

I also said if that she doesn't stop lying and cheating and stealing that only trouble lies ahead for her. I said this two or three times.

I'm not sure anything even sunk in with her. I'm not sure she cares. She's been programed to hate us and this might have only re-enforced that as we are forced to be the 'bad guys' by punishing her for doing something wrong. Her mother certainly doesn't bother.

So nobody in the house is happy to night. But just maybe, on a prayer, things will get better.

black days

I can't believe I would ever say this, but I'm done with a family member. My 11 year old niece I'll call shithead. My goddaughter no less.

Shithead's mom is an incredible piece of work. She programs her daughter - my niece - to hate my family. Shithead's mom is my brother's ex. Shithead's mom asked for the divorce and finally received it from my brother. The court forced the kids on her after she had said she didn't want them.

Fast-forward about a year and a half. She suddenly decides she wants full custody of the kids. This, from a woman that had a hard childhood, gave up her first child to adoption after lying about the identity of the child's father, has disowned her mother, has nothing to do with her father or his new family that includes a half-sister and on and on and on. She doesn't care for the kids and only uses emotional abuse as a form of love. And my niece buys into it hook line and sinker after having a neglectful and abusive mother for the first 8 years of her life because she's finally involved and shown attention by her mother. It's gotten so bad that we have caught the ex telling my niece to do hundreds of dollars of damage to my brother's house, to tell him on Christmas morning to take his presents and shove them up his ass. It goes on and on. If the courts believe the accusations, my brother would be convicted of child molesting his daughter. Of course, nothing was EVER said on ANYTHING about this during their 10 year marriage. It all suddenly started just after the ex filed for full custody. She is now even saying my brother asked for the divorce. One of her reasons he couldn't take the marriage? - the fact that she worked at home doing dictations while he had to drive or bike to work. Are you fucking kidding me??!?!?!?!?!!??

In the meantime, shithead, under her mother's orders, has become a nasty, hateful person. She bullies and beats on her brother. Tells her father that her mother said she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to. Has been suspended from school for incidents involving teachers, has been nearly kicked out of the boys & girls club for misbehavior and disrepsecting others.

Everytime my brother has put her in therapy to try and curb the situation the mother has resisted having shithead go. The latest was a written note saying that she refuses to have her daughter go to therapy. This was after my brother caught my niece on the phone saying again and again 'I won't say anything, I promise!'.

My mother once read my niece's diary after shithead had left it out. Shithead was 10 at the time. The diary was filled with references and references about sex, sex and more sex. But the ex refuses to have shithead go to therapy. My brother was the one time and time again to have my niece GO so he is innocent of anything. If he were so nasty and perverted, why would he have shithead sent to therapy and he himself be in therapy since the divorce (as the court recoomended)?!?!?!?!

So far, every legal professional (except the ex's attorney) and every mental health professional has sided with my brother and said they would testify on his behalf if need be.

BUT! The ex is coniving. She has shithead so twisted that those same profeesionals have stated to my brother that he is being set up. When the sexual accusations went no where - including calls to DSS, now the child abuse accusations have started. It's to the point to where if shithead is misbehaving and my brother does ANYTHING that leaves a mark - even something like dragging shithead to her room, he could lose custody because of the laws in place. Nice. Even when shithead beats on her brother that's 5 years younger, he can't lift a finger to stop her physically. I say that in all seriousness.

So! To avoid problems, the legal people have told him to never be alone with his own daughter. Can you believe that? So he has to put her up at either my parents' house or my sister's house every night he has her.

So beyond saying that she hates him, calls him a loser, and tons of other insults she steals. A lot. Today I am $150 short because of my niece. She stole the money. I live with my parents as I await the closing of the house I'm buying. My parents are so poor that the government doesn't even bother to have them file taxes. Yet shithead steals from all of us. And says she hates us all when we aren't around.

So my brother's ex has succeeded in a year or less of convincing my niece that her extended family of 10 people (my brothers and sister, parents and my other niece and nephew) are all assholes and to hate us. And it's worked. And again, the ex has nothing to do with her own family also.

So there you have it. That's why I'm done with shithead. My brother - her father - is too. There is an incident literally every single day he has her. He will be signing over custody of shithead to her mother because if he doesn't, he could lose his son too because of the law. Legal avenues have been searched to avoid this but nothing has worked. We've spent over $4000+ trying to legally (not including therapy) to save this girl. Now she is going to get what she wants - to be with her mother. A neglectful and abusive woman that's used the system to win.

Now all we can do is hope, hope that my niece realizes the mistakes she's made and come back to a real loving family that holds birthdays and holiday feasts and helps one another out.

But in reality, we are bracing for what may likely happened: an abortion at age 14 just like her mother, high school drop out just like her mother, a teenaged mother with kids by multiple fathers just like her mother.

And worst of all, we are bracing for one if not more suicide attempts by my niece if she doesn't realize what a mess her mother is.

The future is not bright for my niece and it kills me despite all my current anger towards her.

The pencils are done!

The pencils for issue 2 are done! Jenn finished them off and has sent them off to Jason for inking. I've sent Jenn her paycheck.

Looking forward to showing off some stuff at Wizard World Boston if things go well.