well, that seems to have solved nothing

So!

After calming down a little bit, tonight was the first time I've seen my niece since 'the incident'. I spent time thinking how to handle things - quite a bit of time, actually. I decided on giving her a chance to explain herself because I'm not sure anybody has. I also decided on punishment.

So she arrives with my brother and my little nephew. I don't bring anything up until after having supper. Part of the reason was that my niece was real quiet. She pretty much ignored my request to speak with her when she had a second as she was playing a racing game on the family computer. I took the time to ask her what was wrong because my mother and I were wondering if my brother/her father had said anything to her. She said she had had a bad day at school. The teacher had yelled at her for cheating and chewing gum in class. My niece said she was looking at the board and not the boy's paper next to her as her teacher accused her off. She also said she wasn't chewing gum. The teacher assigned her to 'gum duty' whatever that is.

It's hard to believe my niece at all because she lies SOOOOOOO much. During a meeting with the principal of her school, herself, and my brother, she insisted - saying right in front of the principal - that the principal was lying. She reiterated this to my brother/her father when he rhetorically said 'the principal is lying?'

So I was actually feeling fairly badly for my niece because I knew I would be 'piling on'. I considered dropping the situation entirely until the next time I saw her but decided against it. I still love my niece - she's just out of control. One of therapists said she was the most angry child she has ever met.

So I decide to wait until my brother returned. He was attending his own therapy like he has since the divorce. The situation has been so stressful for so long that when people that know my brother see him after they hadn't seen him for awhile they say they can't believe how old he looks. He's late/mid thirties.

So I check with him to see if he wants to be present. He kinda shrugged and said something to the effect of 'I'm going to hear about it anyways' meaning the ex would totally bitch at him.

So I went and spoke to my niece alone in the living room after she didn't want to talk in the kitchen where everybody was except my father. My father was in an adjoining room to the living room and could see everything if he wanted but he was on the computer and I'm not even sure he knew I was talking to my niece.

I was careful with my words and talked in an emotionless voice as best I could. I told her the situation. I said a lot of money was missing from my room. I asked her if she knew anything about it. She was despondent the whole conversation. I asked her several times if she knew anything about it. Every time she said she didn't know anything about it. A couple of times she looked at me while she said it. I told her I didn't believe her. She offered little opposition just kinda staring at the TV. She asked how could it be her. I told her why I felt she had done it. I keep a small money pouch in a dresser drawer. It contains stuff like gas money for two weeks, some money I'm saving to buy a dishwasher and some money towards the deposit to my brother for his house since I'm buying it and a few other things. I told her I asked everyone to sign a pad with how much money they take. After she had gone upstairs one morning, that afternoon my money was missing. My niece has already been barred from my parents' room for stealing the state quarters that she keeps in a jar on her dresser.

I then told my niece what was the punishment. Not internet, no phone privleges except for calling her mother to say goodnight. I also told her about the money I was saving for her to go towards college and that I had to empty that account to recoup the money stolen. I also said I wouldn't be putting anymore money away for her. I further mentioned that she was not allowed upstairs at all with adult supervision - not to get books, the cats, or anything. She said without much emotion, 'I'm being punished for nothing'. I told her - several times over during the conversation, that I don't believe her. I did eliminate (for now) about not buying her a Christmas present this year.

I also said if that she doesn't stop lying and cheating and stealing that only trouble lies ahead for her. I said this two or three times.

I'm not sure anything even sunk in with her. I'm not sure she cares. She's been programed to hate us and this might have only re-enforced that as we are forced to be the 'bad guys' by punishing her for doing something wrong. Her mother certainly doesn't bother.

So nobody in the house is happy to night. But just maybe, on a prayer, things will get better.